Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
