He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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