i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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