I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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