Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
