she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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