real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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