You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
