and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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