dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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