i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
