Duck Duck Cougar?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize