i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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