when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
