So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
