our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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