Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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