just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
