So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
