Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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