I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
