It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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