So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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