Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
