there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
