you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
