I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
