Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
