no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
