At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
is that a dick in a sweater?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
