I bet he comes in French.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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