is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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