I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
