Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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