Yo dont text me then not text me
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
