FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize