dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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