remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
