Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
