Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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