just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
