I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
