new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
