im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
