i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize