my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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