If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
