Porn is love you can see.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
