This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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