omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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