the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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