If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
