So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
