i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
