I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
