Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
