good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
