It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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