Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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