Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
