dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
