So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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