Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
