Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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