Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
