maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
