Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
