Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
