Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
