I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
