I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
